Amy's Journey with...

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Nonsuicidal Self-Injury (Self-Harm) ~ Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Going through my spam folder

I've decided to take a trip to a scary place.  This is the part where you go ooooooo!  I'm taking a trip to my spam folder, but don't worry, I'm not opening any of them.  I rarely venture into this no man's land, yet today feel the bravery of ten grinches plus two.  (Can you tell I'm making my Christmas lists?)  So, with this incredible strength comes the incredible ability to laugh at one's self.  So, this is what my spam folder has to offer me...

Ah!  Finally I have the natural mail enhancement I'm looking for.  Now my letters will get there really fast.  Oops, I read that wrong, it's male enhancement.  Hmmm...I don't think I can use that after all.  The next spam doesn't specify whether the penis enlarger is natural or not.  I still don't have a penis so I'm pretty sure I don't need it enlarged.  Okay, now this one is just plain scary.  It's from Accountant's World.  I majored in Accounting for my undergrad and it seriously is scary boring.  I had horrible dreams when I was doing my accounting classes.  In my dreams I didn't know which column to put the numbers in!  It's an accountant's nightmare.  Ah!  There are lots of diet ones.  What are they trying to say about me?  I wish the spammers could see me sticking my tongue out at them.  I'm being offered a Rolex replica.  Can someone tell me the point of having a Rolex replica?  Personally I think you'd either buy a Rolex or buy a cheaper watch.  But, hey, I'm not a spammer, so what do I know?  Yes!  I get the "top 10 lesbian movies!"  I have a feeling they aren't lesbian romances though, but lesbian porn.  Not that I have a problem with porn, but I'd rather watch romances.  I like mushy stuff.  :-)  Oh yes!  I get a cash payment now.  I wonder how much?  Probably a million dollars from a Prince in Nigeria.  I'm not opening any of the junk mail in case I get a virus.  I even won the Irish lottery.  Strange, I don't remember entering.  Someone named Arora just straight up asks me if I "wanna have sex tonight.", I don't want to have sex with you, Arora.  Someone wished me an "unhappy birthday."  I mean WTF is up with that?  Seriously.  I didn't wish them an unhappy birthday.  In Alice and Wonderland they have a happy unbirthday party, but not an unhappy birthday party.  The, ahem, don't laugh, "FBI," told me I'm under arrest.  One email is actually marked "SPAM : Do not ignore this email."  I'm going to be taking a walk on the wild side and ignore the email.  Ooo, baby, someone asked me if I'm looking to get laid tonight.  Not by you, spammer, not by you.  One message subject just says congratulations.  They must be wishing me congratulations in getting into grad school.  How sweet!

I love to periodically go through my spam mail for a laugh.  Sometimes I find mail that wasn't supposed to be there.  Usually, though, I have a good laugh.  Spam always picks up my mood.

Everybody has accounting dreams...right?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Feeling accepted

I never felt accepted around others as a child or adult.  I still don't, not in person, or on Twitter.  I always feel like someone is thinking "she's so stupid," "she's so ugly," "I really wish I didn't know her," "I can't wait until she leaves," and a few other ones left over from being bullied that are much worse.  I'm afraid if I wrote those out I would just sound stupid.

I was bullied severely as a child and teenager, which made me less accepted than I was before.  I think part of my neck pain issues stem from an injury I received when a bully beat the shit out of me my junior year in high school.  It left me in a neck brace for two weeks.  So I really think it's possible.  Add that to severe emotional abuse from my bitch of a mother, and my self-esteem was tattered.  I've been working on putting it back together, but I still always have that feeling that everyone secretly thinks I'm stupid, clumsy, an idiot, ugly, etc.  My mother used to tell me because I so shy I look like I'm mentally retarded.  So, the really bad social anxiety I have isn't a surprise at all.

That's why I find it so awesome that the EDS community on facebook accepted me so easily.  Part of me keeps thinking that if they really knew me, surely they wouldn't like me.  Yet, the longer I know these wonderful people, and the better I get to know them, the more I feel accepted.  This is a new feeling to me.  It is wonderful, and I am afraid I will do something to mess it all up.  Knowing that people who have never met me share the same problems and care about me, well, it's almost overwhelming.  For the zebras reading this...thank you for your friendship, it means so much!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Neck pain again, again, again...

Well, I did it, I talked to DH about the possibility of something else being wrong.  Right now I'm in a lot of pain in my neck.  I think that about describes EDS-a pain in the neck!  My neck pain causes constant headaches, or maybe the constant headaches are caused from something else.  I don't know.  Either way, I'm in pain and I don't like it.  My teeth hurt on good days, as do my eye sockets, ears, back of head (especially), forehead, cheeks, and shoulders from the neck pain.  On bad days I can't move my had from side to side and I can only lift my head off the pillow for very short periods of time, i.e. to roll over in bed.  The pain is in my upper neck and the bottom of my skull.

DH is afraid for something else to be wrong with me.  He hasn't looked at my Chiari page, but he feels that I don't have it.  I have no idea one way or the other for sure, I mean I'm not a doctor.  I just think something is wrong with my neck and/or something Chiari or Chiari-like is going on.  That is just my opinion, though.  I obviously don't know for sure on anything. Perhaps the symptoms I have are normal for people with EDS and fibro.  I just honestly think something is wrong, especially with my neck.  It could be something really simple in my neck, but either way I'd like it looked at and hopefully told how to fix it (that hopefully does not involve anything horrible like surgery).

I want to work on my cross-stitch, and I might get it out in a little while, but I don't know if I can do it with neck pain like this.  I still have to unload the washer.  The stuff in the dryer should  be dry.  This damn dryer you have to dry something over and over again.  And to make a long story short, I bought it off my rapist from years ago because I didn't recognize him at the time (it had been years).  The dryer doesn't work well, but at least it eventually dries.  I hang up on the clothes rack half of every load so what goes into the dryer isn't as much.  Right now my head just hurts too bad to do it.  Yesterday and the day before my headache almost reached a migraine level of pain.  At least my headache isn't quite that bad now.  It still freakin' hurts a lot though!

Today is my wonderful sister's birthday.  She is 27 years old and I love her very much and miss her.  She is currently stuck in an abusive situation that she refuses to leave.  She refuses all contact with me, but I plan on sending a happy birthday text to her from my email (the one she already knows about).  I contact her every few months and tell her I love her very much.  I hope that someday she can leave the abusive situation and be happy.  Today, though, is about celebrating her birthday.  So happy birthday, to my sister!

My sister and me in 1984


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