Amy's Journey with...

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Nonsuicidal Self-Injury (Self-Harm) ~ Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Where did my healthiness go...and my sanity?

I've been trying to make one information page a day until I finish the 10 info pages on Please Tape Me Back Together and then I want to start doing one page a day on Smart Fibro Chick, my fibromyalgia blog.  Today I finished my page on Cervical Cranial Instability (CCI).  Please check it out and let me know what you think.  My brother-in-law #1 has put out a lot of prayer requests for my facebook friend J., who will be having surgery this week for Chiari, CCI, and a few other things, from what I understand.  She's a really brave lady, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried a couple of times worrying about her.  I have been praying for her, too.  I don't know if I'd ever be brave enough to even have finger surgery.  I don't think I'm a very brave person at all.  Dammit, now I'm crying again!I feel so scared so often, so very often.  I feel like I'm alone and teetering on the edge of a cliff with my health and often, my sanity, and there is a rope only an inch about my grasp.  When a rope is an inch about your grasp it might as well be three feet, because you can't reach it either way.  I'm scared to death but I try to act like I'm not.  I'm not a very good actor, either.  I wonder if everyone who looks at me can see the thoughts whirling in my head?  These scary thoughts feel as if they are thick, purple, gritty, and like a hurricane of quick sand.  Describing thoughts and feelings in a visual and tactile way is what I had to do in EMDR therapy for my PTSD a few years ago.  EMDR didn't work, instead it gave me a headache, so I quit going at the end of that summer.  I find that it does sometimes help to confine feelings to visual and tactile qualities, though.

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